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In case you’re won­der­ing, it’s been a com­bi­na­tion of ill­ness, new job, new job not work­ing out, new ver­sion of the no-​longer-​new job, new ver­sion of the no-​longer-​new job not work­ing out so well either, won­der­ing if I should get a new-​new job, won­der­ing if I should go on dis­abil­ity, my doc­tors telling me I should go on dis­abil­ity, won­der­ing how to afford the wait­ing period before dis­abil­ity kicks in, going broke, more ill­ness, death(s) in the fam­ily, ill­ness, med­ica­tion changes, more ill­ness, going even more broke, bank­ruptcy #2, lit­i­ga­tion, ill­ness, etc. So that’s how it’s been over here.

Now then. You rang?!

I have all the respect in the world for Ms. Jennifer Lopez and lit­tle to no inter­est or patience in 183-​year-​old broke­down Muppet Steven Tyler, so between those two I’m torn about the upcom­ing Idol sea­son. This could be the end of it all and all that but gosh, I just don’t know. Truth is Ms. Jennifer Lopez is too damn good for these clowns and my view­er­ship would be secured if Simon were still around.

I mean, let’s think about the good old days. Remember the good old days?

Who knew we had it so good then?! Don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret for a sec­ond skip­ping out on last sea­son. Oh God. Every time a com­mer­cial would show up on TV I would say THANK HEAVENS! I am not watch­ing this show. So’s I got to think­ing, what would it take to con­vince me to tune in each week with breath­less antic­i­pa­tion of the won­der and the magic and the unpre­dictable je né sais quoi I so cher­ished in the Idol of so many sea­sons ago?

Oh hell YES that would. And don’t even dare to con­vince me that you would do any­thing less than PAY to watch that setup. I know I would install a coin slot and dol­lar changer in my TV and say TAKE EVERYTHING I HAVE, FOR YOU HAVE MADE SOMETHING OF EVERLASTING BEAUTY. Amen.