idol

Churchill Downsyndrome

I wish I could think of a “most excit­ing two min­utes in sports” joke but I can’t. There is some ugly folks up in here. Really, these are some sorry indi­vid­u­als. Geographical stereo­types emerge for a reason.

I don’t know how I learned to pro­nounce “Lou(a)-vuh” and “M-​zurrh” cor­rectly, but some­how I did. “Louie-​ville”? Are you kid­ding? See, Ryan knows how to pro­nounce it. He’s the man.

Paula’s sexy secretary/​bohemian grandma look is espe­cially adorable. I envy!

At this point, the really crappy folks are going to have to do some­thing truly extra­or­di­nary to get my atten­tion. For exam­ple, I love how this first alien lady has such devoted par­ents. We could learn some­thing from this.

Never for­get: For worse or for bet­ter, we belong to the dark­nuh.

Haha, Ruben is chew­ing on her shoul­der! Oh yay, a CRIER. Nice how her blouse makes her look like she peed on her­self. I want a hug from Ryan! HANDS OFFWOMAN!

Goody gum­drops, a hill­william with a pedigree:

He has a bright future doing voiceovers for Squidbillies. His voice is entirely appro­pri­ate for the genre of his choice! Oh come on, that “threat” bull­shit was such bull­shit. “Be care­ful”? Dude was just shar­ing the word of the Lord. Be care–ful, see? Honestly.

Peyton Manning, you are still the real hero.

Folks in Kentucky sure love wear­ing black with white polka dots. Those plaid chairs in the wait­ing room are SPECTACULAR. So many sump­tu­ous pat­terns and tex­tures! America truly is a melt­ing pot.

Jughead with the duel­ing pianos … uh, he might clean up kinda real pretty-​like. The Idol site clearly does not want us to keep our hopes up:

Oof. Thanks for your care­ful image selec­tion, Web pro­duc­ers. Simon com­pares this one to The Genius That Is (Elliott Yamin). We are once again psy­chi­cally con­nected. Don’t think he’s really Elliott qual­ity, though—as that awful, awful photo up there proves, he threat­ens to unleash some Chris Richardson on us. Nooo.

Roundup of all the golden ticket win­ners! Oh thank God it’s already over. Oh wait, it’s NOT. F-​you, Idol!

Walking in Memphis” is seri­ously about the worst song ever. Paula’s cleav­age is … ugh, no.

Babies makin’ babies y’all!

OK, this one is eons less com­pre­hen­si­ble than Lady Iraquitate last night, and she makes it through. What?! We’re cel­e­brat­ing Black History Month early.

Aaron Williamson, you light up my life.

Drive us home to Jesus, my friend. “When your heart gets broke, your heart gets broke.” He is too wise for this cruel world.

This fake nonorexic Rachael Leigh Cook CANNOT SING FOR SHIT.

Look, even she’s baf­fled by the praise! Are those lyrics Portuguese? Woman, you make no damn sense. These JUDGES make no damn sense. GOD. At least the real Rachael Leigh Cook is good at pre­tend singing:

Star qual­ity! I love that movie.

These two got mad raw deals:

I want to see more of them! Preferably in a Delaney and Bonnie-​type con­fig­u­ra­tion. Or Animotion 2010.

Just when I get all pissy and grumpy, the last girl is all cute and sun­shiny and her mom and oh, how sweet. See, they need to stop doing the sob story crap that makes me hate all these Talented and Attractive Young People Confronting Adversity and Heart-​Wrenching Challenges in the Face of Hardship for the whole show except the end and then feel bad at the end for hat­ing them. Not that blind dude, though. He is still a sad joke, for try as he might he can­not touch the hem of this man’s garment:

Oh hell yeah, you know the score. And Tom Sullivan is clearly the play­ers’ choice!

8 comments to Churchill Downsyndrome

  • Pieman

    Yeah, the last girl was pretty good and they saved the best sob story for last. Otherwise, bleh show. I like your nam­ing of Jughead. I thought it was more Diedrich Bader as Jethro.

  • jane

    Animotion 2010 made me cry — like you knew it would! Obviously, I cosign on all of the above. Now for that Gravatar.

  • jane

    I just remem­bered to check out the photo names. You’re the mean­ing in my life, you’re the inspiration.

  • Pieman

    Checking out my new grav­i­tar. If it works.

  • Kim

    It was work­ing before I approved the com­ment with the 1121 screen name, so you’re prob­a­bly good to go on being Pieman. A wild guess, though. I’m new to this.

    I’ve decided to add Churchill Downsyndrome to my list of pseudonyms.

  • I just have these words to say…
    ”…Do you catch a breath, when I look at you
    Are you hold­ing back, like the way I do
    Cause I’m try­ing, try to walk away
    But I know this crush ain’t going away, going away…“
    :)
    btw — would you mind if I added Churchill Downsyndrome with the Carrington-​Colby chain of com­mand past hus­bands that I’ve had! ps: today I found out that :el fano: is the “:ESSENCE of JUDAISM:” who knew!??! {per­haps esther!} xoxo I LOVE THIS — and YOU and EVERYTHING at RUBYTRAX​.COM! xo xo — el fano

  • Tammy

    for now, I will just bump “Churchill Downsyndrome,” that is genius.

    gald to be back for the Idol blog. I hope you can sur­vive the season!