Don’t rock and roll, don’t rock and roll, don’t rock and roll, no

Someone over on the W asked what I thought about American Idol and even though we had a tap­ing mishap that pre­vented me from see­ing Tuesday’s show, I went ahead and gifted the uni­verse with my genius, and then I real­ized I should have just saved it to put down here. So I’m putting it here any­way, you know, not like any­one will really notice or any­thing.
This dude deserved to get canned because he’s a big grotesque ham who sucks. Canned ham. Aside from the fact that sweet sweet jus­tice was served on Wednesday, the girls of America have their three non-​threatening pre­tend if-​not-​borderline-​gay boyfriends to choose from and fight for now, and then there’s this big beefy dirty old man with rosacea? As if this WASN’T going to hap­pen? The will of our great nation impresses me once again. U-​S-​A U-​S-​A U-​S-​A
She has been awful but she’s stick­ing around because a) she’s a hot piece of ass and b) the power of the Filipino vote can­not be DENIED. Give us a role model we can look up to already. Unfortunately, she con­tin­ues to suck and every­one will give up on her soon enough. Even straight men are sure to turn on her when next she decides to butcher, say, the Coors Light remix of Tom T. Hall’s “I Love” or some other song near and dear to their hearts. Poor thing. That doesn’t mean I think she’s any good, I’m just stick­ing up for my peo­ples, what up sis­ter.
If you’ve been singing at wed­dings in the greater Oakland met­ro­pol­i­tan area and haven’t elec­tri­fied any­one enough to make it to the big time yet, then honey I’m sorry. Also, your step­daugh­ter looks about as old as you are. Honey, I’m sorry.
Substitute “on cruise ships” for “at wed­dings” up there. I felt bad that she was in the bot­tom three last week, I don’t know why.
He’s strangely appeal­ing but I fear he will turn patho­log­i­cally psy­chotic Clay-​style (thank yew, thank yew). Also, keep in mind I liked Leah, there­fore my tastes have zero logic these days. I’ve gone com­pletely retarded. But when he sings non-​loungey songs, he kind of reminds me of when Bobby Darin went all coun­ter­cul­ture folksinger and stopped wear­ing a toupée and was super-​earnest and I loved that. I’m not say­ing he’s the next Bobby Darin, oh God no. Can you imag­ine this guy in Too Late Blues? Hell Is for Heroes? Hahahahahaha! Now that’s a trav­esty. I’ve spent way too much time think­ing about this.
She was already on “America’s Most Talented Kid,” I think it’s about time she give up. GIVE UP. She is appeal­ing only to peo­ple who are hot for teenage gym­nasts, i.e. per­verts.
Another creepy teenage gym­nast, but at least she’s less dis­like­able than Diana. I real­ize it is also because she is Filipina-​American, what up sis­ter, keep it real.
bor­ing bor­ing bor­ing bor­ing bor­ing
I like him but that doesn’t nec­es­sar­ily mean I care if he wins or not.
I had to go to the site to remem­ber who the last female was on the show, imag­ine that.
Jon Peter Mellencamp, the ghastly hor­ror who must be stopped. Good Lord. Look at this pic­ture, even. Did some­one expand his nos­trils in Photoshop? Who on Earth would want this man singing to their chil­dren? NRRRRRRZZZZZZZZZT I AM TAKING CONTROL OF YOUR MIND NEEEEEEEERRRRRRRMMMMM
This was like the expanded remix edi­tion of my W post, well all right. Gotta love those bonus beats. P.S., hope­fully work will not be a hor­ror tomor­row so I can spend it catch­ing up around here. The chil­dren deserve it.

3 comments to Don’t rock and roll, don’t rock and roll, don’t rock and roll, no

  • Kim

    Stop It” by Pylon

  • Oh my God. You know that Jon Peter Luger totally sang Kenny Rogers. It was a hor­ror. So was your home­s­lice (the hot one)‘s “Desperado.” I was hon­estly stunned. Three sea­sons in, and I’m still shocked by how bad this show is. Still shocked and still watching.

  • Kim

    I had heard that it was hor­ri­ble, so on the one hand, I’m not sad I missed it because I would have watched the whole thing with my head smoth­ered in pil­lows and scream­ing any­way, and on the other hand, I really wish I had seen it. This show!!! What it does to me.