Hair in curls, not quite as tall as the other girls

Apropos of noth­ing: Chloe? What? I saw half that col­lec­tion at Braun’s in 1985 and the other half in Contempo Casuals five years later.
For the record: Paula’s rack ter­ri­fies me.
I have an excuse to keep this short. First, a toast to those who are gone:
Apparently America doesn’t like boobs all that much.

At least she didn’t burn any bridges on her way out. Oh wait

My peo­ple aren’t known for giv­ing up on my peo­ple (see Season 3), so this is some kind of phe­nom­e­non of nature.

it’s nice to know some­thing can actu­ally go my way every once in a while.

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And now, LADIES.
Paris Lisa
What up, seafoam eye shadow. Zzzzzzz. I don’t care about either of these peo­ple any­more. Who even does “Conga” WILLINGLY?! That is a sign of men­tal defi­ciency.

Heyyyy slutty. Why is it that she looks so cute dur­ing the boys’ show and looks so scary when she is attempt­ing to make an impres­sion on God and Everyone? I think she may have bro­ken the skank machine. I still like her. I fear for her (and her out­fits!!!), but I still like her.

I actu­ally like this song (I reserve apol­ogy) but woof wooooof. Also, she looked like a Hee Haw Honey who got dragged out of the Death Star trash com­pactor. Paula said she liked her out­fit, so I crave what­ever sweet, sweet candy Paula is snack­ing on. I’m sorry, because you seem like a nice lady.

What? Huh? Were those kung-​fu jodh­purs? Am I sup­posed to know this song? Am I sup­posed to like it? Did she buy those shoes at the eLUX­URY sale? Actually those looked like some fly shoes, though. I’ve got noth­ing else here. Tank toooooooops

Did my eyes deceive me, or did two out of three back­ground singers man­age a Black Power salute dur­ing this? I have taken a one-​way ticket to Crazy Town fea­tur­ing Shifty Shellshock.

God is great, y’all.

If she gets any more corny I will become aller­gic to corn. WATCH IT.
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I am now offi­cially obsessed with Crazy Smile Man. Like, a good obsessed. Like he rules. I could watch his clips all day long, and I usu­ally hate those from every­body. HE IS, ALSO. A PAIN-​TER.

It’s not that I don’t like him, I’m just tired of this Active Rock® bull­shit he keeps bark­ing at me. I eagerly await HIS “Gloria Estefan Tribute” moment. Or at least one ren­di­tion of “It’s Been Awhile.” Maybe he’s already done that even. Also: still porny.

The tran­si­tion from “rap” and “gangsta” and “Kanye West moti­vates me as a per­former” to a rag­ing junior high choir solo recital at Northtown Mall ren­di­tion of “Vincent” may have pro­vided me with my one true moment of pure enter­tain­ment this week. SCREAMING was involved. But I can’t look at or lis­ten to him. He makes John Stevens IV look like Liam Gallagher.

I liked this, so I must have com­pletely lost my mind. Although those lyrics, what was up with that. A lit­tle eww.

When they said before the break he was going to do James Taylor I yelled “OH MY GOD NO, HE’S GOING TO DOHANDY MAN.’” I was glad I was wrong, but not for very long. Are there any James Taylor songs I don’t com­pletely despise? Tell me, I’m curi­ous to know.

First of all, from the C-​Cross to the McD, this man is out to tar­nish the name of Yacht Rock and the entire holy legacy of Really Smooth Music. THEN, WTF peo­ple, bunny suit, Flaming Lips Reject, HELLO??? That was a GAUNTLET. This man is clearly out to get me. Oh, it’s on. P.S., My McD is far more accom­plished. (And smoooth.)

If he ends up get­ting tossed out for this, I may actu­ally cry real girl tears.

Did he sing “Smeg my dreams come true”?! I think he did. Hahahaha he had to do “odd jobs” when he moved to Hollywood! He did things he NEVER IMAGINED HE COULD DO! So begins a lit­tle cau­tion­ary tale known as “Boys on Hollywood Blvd.” by Elite. Read it. Learn it. Live it.

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