It’s all fun and games … until some­body gets raped.

Now that’s how you sell a TV show.
I don’t even know where to start because Idols is mak­ing me tired. I’m tired of these peo­ple. I’m tired of sit­ting there and hav­ing noth­ing to say about, well, most of them other than “???” and “…”.
I think it’s that I miss Crazy Smile Man.
Oh, Crazy Smile Man. You left us far too soon. The INJUSTICE. You hardly got a chance to “show the world what God has cre­ated,” or what­ever it was you said that ruled and I need to write it down and remem­ber it for future occa­sions. This, THIS is why Season 5 can blow me.

I don’t remem­ber how she left or why or even what she was wear­ing. Oh well.

Well at least she can face the future now know­ing she’s a fail­ure at some­thing.

Oh, and I DON’T actu­ally hate “Her Town Too.” Jane, as always you are my rock.

And then we get to the final 12 and THIS crap hap­pens.
Heyyyy slutty. OK, she for­got the words and blah blah but at least she wasn’t a creepy midget psy­chopath.

Which meant the next week was pretty hot, though, right.
Now, THIS guy. THIS GUY. Seriously, what is it with this sea­son where almost every­one on this show is pos­i­tively delu­sional and get­ting WORSE. Like THIS GUY. This mouthy lit­tle goon really thought he … had a shot? Had fans? He had an ATTITUDE. THIS GUY!!!! THIS GUY HAS THE NERVE TO HAVE AN ATTITUDE!!! So what we’ve all learned is that the world owes guys like this guy — THIS GUY — a liv­ing. Great. And I can, you know, F the F off. Actually, this is the pri­mary les­son I’m get­ting from my daily life of late. Yeah, you know. Oh well.

Oh oh oh oh, Ike on “South Park” is dressed like a busi­ness­man and car­ry­ing a brief­case and I just started cry­ing a lit­tle bit.

Back to the show, right. Are we all caught up almost? Kind of? OK!
You know, if you’re going to go out, at least go out look­ing like you’re pos­ing for the box cover of Portrait of a Teenage Whore. I was caught up in a par­tic­u­larly sexy episode of Sexy Victims Unit so I totally missed the song but it did not sound cute in the replays. I’m sure it was that eye­shadow what done her in any­way.

Oh yeah, delu­sional. This one is full-​on whole­sale gone out of con­trol delu­sional. I was scream­ing in ter­ror from that song, augh. And how PISSED was she to be in the bot­tom three? Delicious.

Enough already. Enough. I was exag­ger­at­ing up there about scream­ing in ter­ror, as I was actu­ally scream­ing in ter­ror HERE. Literally. I can’t take any­more of this butt ass butt. The hair thing. The HAIR THING. Yeah, you remem­ber. Don’t act like you don’t.

I really need a pic­ture of Ike in his lit­tle busi­ness­man out­fit. Oh man.

This dude rules.

I didn’t hate her last week, but this week?
I did like that she made her­self up like a crazy per­son, though.

It was a lit­tle screamy.

These last two weeks have been … I’ll say “atro­cious.” It’s like when I was at the gro­cery store and I’m going blind and there’s this Kemps ice cream called “Cow Tracks” but I thought the car­ton said “Cow Tragedy.” This was a Cow Tragedy.

I seri­ously don’t know how this guy is man­ag­ing to stick around, but what­ever.

Do not get me started on his Active Rock® bor­ing ass bor­ing bor­ing ass. I was at Joey’s Only for All-​You-​Can-​Eat-​Shrimp Night with my folks, right, and Nickelback comes on and my dad is all, “Is this the bald guy from Idol?” NICKELBACK. Do we REALLY need another CASEY CHASEY CHAD CHAZ what­ever ANOTHER ONE OF THAT DUDE FROM NICKELBACK? Hahahahaha Creed. Dude! Creed sucks dude! Thank good­ness the Scream 3 sound­track was use­ful for SOMETHING. To some­one. Somewhere. Maybe.

Did Ike just say “I’m trip­ping balls”? Oh my God. I love this show.

Simon tends to reflect my thoughts pretty well, so I’m a lit­tle sad he didn’t tell this guy, You know, if the chal­lenge lies in per­form­ing a rel­a­tively cur­rent and pop­u­lar song that peo­ple can mea­sure against the orig­i­nal, it’s a pretty pussed out move to do a song that nobody F-​ing knows. Which is, uh, what I said. The path of least resis­tance works really well for some peo­ple and I am just tired and tired and tired and TIRED of THOSE PEOPLE. Please die in the face, you and your demented home­less lady vacant retard smile.

As Rosemary Woodhouse would say, “Pain begone, I will have no more of thee.” Then again, she was knocked up by Satan.
This means some­thing.
EDIT: Oh oh oh look!
Businessman Ike

1 comment to It’s all fun and games … until some­body gets raped.

  • Oh! Oh! This is the cutest cute in the his­tory of cute. I live! PS I agree on all counts. PPSCASEY CHASEY CHAD CHAZ” made me cry at my desk.