Pull your­self together ’cause you know you should do better

I don’t know how much time I can spend on this because lit­tle did I know Queen plus Idol would only amount to a soul-​crushing, demor­al­iz­ing expe­ri­ence I do not wish to relive.
Including this lady sit­ting there glow­er­ing in the flash­back to the rehearsals. It’s just a sad, sad sit­u­a­tion. Oh man, remem­ber back in March? Those were good times, March. We had a lot of fun then.

Seriously, the only fun thing this entire week was watch­ing Ace get dissed repeat­edly by Brian May.
This was not alarm­ingly hor­ri­ble, but appar­ently you need to be alarm­ingly hor­ri­ble to stay on this show. Bye dude! I don’t under­stand how it’s appar­ently a GIGANTIC STRETCH to make “Fat Bottomed Girls” sound “coun­try.” I guess that’s like how it’s an uncom­pro­mis­ing cre­ative artis­tic break­through to pat­tern your arrange­ments off crappy Live records. Ugh. I’m tired of this show.

Speaking of ugh, UGH. This guy. F this guy. Hahaha dissed by Brian May, deli­cious. He wouldn’t even give up either! Nice atti­tude, tiger. Go get ‘em. This was me dur­ing the whole thing: “Nice choker.” “Nice pants.” “Nice eye­liner.” Repeat. This entire mess makes me want to scream WHYYY WHYYY like Nancy Kerrigan. I can’t take much more of this.

Compared to Ace this was like Janis at Monterey. Hahahahahahahaha oh I fell over, sorry. I didn’t hate this as much as it really deserved me to hate it. Did that make sense? Her out­fit was hilar­i­ous. That Warrior of the Lost World bike cop look is so hot right now. Or per­haps, should I say, WOLVERINES! I’d blow myself up rather than get molested by this show any fur­ther. Not even I can keep up with my train of thought any­more, I apol­o­gize. I need a vaca­tion from myself — I just real­ized this. Thank you, Idol.

I must admit I really enjoy “Innuendo” and firmly believe Tool and their ilk owe their entire exis­tence to “Innuendo,” so I was kind of like, “oh wow, ‘Innuendo,’” but give me a small break because since every­one seems to think they’ve never heard this song ever in their lives then I sup­pose there is no chal­lenge in mak­ing it “rock.” This whole thing was a tragedy. AUGH. What was he wear­ing, Stabbing Westward-​brand Garanimals? That was not cute. P.S. Maybe Queen never did this song live because oh, maybe the band’s lead singer was ALMOST DEAD when it came out, and then he, oh, maybe he DIED. Paula, you are older than I, you should remem­ber this. She is lucky that TVs do not yet offer inter­ac­tive stab­bing tech­nol­ogy, because this made me feel incred­i­bly stabby.

Bleah. Nice Knots Landing look there, chief. I guess we dodged a bul­let by her not doing “Don’t Stop Me Now” as her drunken stum­ble­bum spazz “danc­ing” would have sent me over the deep end.

This dude still rules and WTF does he end up in the bot­tom three with crappy crappy SHIT ACE and then the dude who loses? HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN IN AMERICA, HOME OF THE BRAVE. People got no appre­ci­a­tion. I was a lit­tle sad when he said he had never heard of “Somebody to Love” because hello, it’s only “Somebody to Love.” ALSO that ahem accord­ing to his ques­tion­naire on the Idol site, he indeed owns Ladies and Gentlemen, like all geniuses. So maybe he was just say­ing that he didn’t real­ize it was a Queen song, or some­thing and they took it out of con­text.* Yes.** Yes, that must be it.***

This is all a joke, right? A big unfunny joke? I hate this man. I hate every­one who votes/​voted/​will vote for him. This man makes me hate every­hing and hate too much. This is not what American Idol is all about. Let’s erase the hate … together.

This was … whoa. OK. Say it with me now: “???,” then “…”.

* I know, I’m mak­ing excuses here.
** Seriously. I’m totally aware of this.
*** I know. I KNOW.

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