Clock in, clock out

Ryan is pay­ing homage to Carl Sagan, turtleneck-​style. SEXY! I actu­ally do mean that. What is wrong with me?
Ai07 Jordin
What we don’t know is she wanted to play foot­ball, I guess? Look out, she will drop you! Something must be hor­ri­bly wrong this sea­son if she can do Pat Benatar, hit 57 ghastly notes and it some­how sounds fan­tas­tic after last night.

Ai07 Sabrina
What we don’t know is she wanted to be a TV newsper­son. Here is some footage of her doing an on-​air report for her high school news pro­gram, titled–wait for it–Diablo Heat, appar­ently in 1982. Hahahahaha because she’s old! I seri­ously want to hear her bust out some Latin freestyle after see­ing that. It doesn’t mat­ter if it’s wrong or right. En Vogue is not what I was hop­ing for. Also, this is ter­ri­ble and bor­ing. Simon breaks out “hotel resort per­for­mance” for this. Hotel AND resort? Damn. I look for­ward to the day some­one rates a “hotel, motel, Holiday Inn.“

Ai07 Antonella
What we don’t know is that she plays the vio­lin. As well as she sings, I hope! I like how she is wear­ing the most who­r­ish boots pos­si­ble. Hahahaha Simon is such a bitch. She’s “taken a lot of stick” indeed!

Ai07 Haley
What we don’t know is that she became a singer because she couldn’t be a gym­nast any­more. Isn’t that how it hap­pened for all of us? If her heart had wings, it would fly out of her body and then she would DIE. She looks like Marie Osmond in pro­file. This is so ter­ri­ble. Randy says she “had no, like, yo” and “needs some wow.” Far more elo­quent than I could ever be.

Ai07 Stephanie
What we don’t know is that she’s been singing since she was three! What a stretch, I’m shocked. Although bless her for doing that as this “rev­e­la­tion” pre­cip­i­tates the GREATEST CHILD IDOL VIDEO EVER, which is her at, like, age five maybe, singing “I’M GOINDOWN,” hon­est to God, on every sub­ur­ban home’s makeshift super­star stage, which is to say in front of the fire­place, dish­ing out the Raw Emotion like you would not believe. THAT RULED. Her per­for­mance does not rule as much but I still like her more than pretty much any­one else. Faint praise, I know.

Ai07 Lakisha
What we don’t know is that she is ter­ri­fied of ani­mals. All ani­mals. Wow. OK. She has no trou­ble mackin’ on Ryan Seacrest, though! Am I right, peo­ple? Don’t make her clooooose one more door (so put those ani­mals away)! Simon prefers this look to last week’s. Keep in mind he is wear­ing a hen­ley (what you don’t know about me is I HATE HENLEYS!!!) that is like unbut­toned to his navel. Whatever.

YES YES YESSS COUNTDOWN TO AARON PIERCE YES. Now I’m in the “bone zone”! If only they bring back Chase with a bionic arm and team him up with Zombie Tony. These are the magic things I dream about.
Ai07 Gina
What we don’t know is that she has lucky charms. HER BOOBS. Haha j/​k. Evanescence? Oh boy. Why do peo­ple choose songs by peo­ple with rabid hater-​ass fan­bases? I don’t get it. Look how pink her bra is! Look how unsup­port­ive it is! I can’t believe Chris is miss­ing this. I seri­ously must be los­ing my mind to be root­ing for her.

Ai07 Melinda
What we don’t know is that she’s OCD. Girl, I under­stand. Listen to her explain it! It’s TOTALLY REASONABLE, peo­ple. Stop mak­ing fun of me. OMG I was totally singing this song at work today. It’s like we’re the same per­son! I seem to recall doing that Miss Jay run­way strut too. I can’t help but throw in the occa­sional Enjoli! though. Favorite!

Yay. Happy end. Anyone I like gets kicked off, though, there’ll be hell to pay. I mean it’s not like I’m vot­ing or any­thing, but you know.

2 comments to Clock in, clock out

  • pieman

    So Chris didn’t look up to see Gina’s out­fit?
    I am so root­ing for her out­fit. Or Melinda. I like Melinda.
    Haley is generic Disney.
    I can’t stop look­ing at Sabrina’s nose.
    LaKisha seems to get worse every week for me.
    That’s all I got.

  • Kim

    Chris wasn’t in the room. I replayed it for him but he wasn’t impressed for rea­sons per­haps he can explain. Or not.
    Sabrina’s nose is CRAZY.
    I’ve never been impressed with LaKisha. She’s done noth­ing to sur­prise me, other than make those sex faces in the “I’m danc­ing because I’m Top 24″ b-​roll. And that was the bad kind of sur­pris­ing. I mean throw her on a Toby Keith song and maybe I’ll be impressed.