And there to greet them was none other than CEO Jeffrey Katzenberg

Yes, Mr. Katzenberg, we’re all just “chas­ing the dream.” I mean the dragon. I mean the dream! The dream! I said “the dream,” right?
Please, let’s never let this hap­pen again:
Ai07 Ugmology
Let’s start this show with a foren­sic exam­i­na­tion of the Zapruder Film for the 2K7, mean­ing Simon rolling his eyes over what­ever. Back and to the left.
Ryan is trickin on the ave the man on the street, ask­ing the tough ques­tions:
Q: What was your favorite part of that per­for­mance?
A: He did it.
That was about Phil, by the way. Faint praise, baby! That’s what’ll get us through this sea­son!
Sadly, the “I’m Alright” our Up With People gang per­forms tonight has noth­ing to do with Kenny Loggins. Also, “alright” is not a word. Improper! Make it stop!
Fergie, why are you on my TV. Why does your shitty gui­tar player have ironic “heavy metal artist” logo stick­ers all over his shitty acoustic gui­tar. Why are you singing about seren­ity, unless that is in fact your pre­ferred brand of pee pads. Why are you ter­ri­ble. Why do you force your ter­ri­ble­ness on us. You’re not worth my ques­tion marks.
Sanjaya is straight-​up smoothed out in tonight’s music video. It hasn’t been posted on the site yet, prob­a­bly to pre­vent us from point­ing out how mil­i­tary vests and acts of con­spir­acy and intrigue are offen­sive in these trou­bling times. FOR SHAME.*
AI’s motion graph­ics team can’t spell Keira Knightley!
With our bot­tom three, America has decided: Blake and LaKisha can suck it!
Ai07 SanjayaAi07 LakishaAi07 Blake
I LOVE AMERICA. Though quite frankly I’d rather see Chris there instead of Sanjaya because he just down­right pissed me off with his argu­men­ta­tive shenani­gans and ill-​timed show of respect by way of sym­pa­thy ploy (or vice versa) but oh hell and oh well.
Let’s take a sneak peek at the new Shrek movie with noted sexy, sexy Hollywood celebrity Jeffrey Katzenberg. And SURPRISE! Antonio Banderas, also rock­ing that Members Only look. I still love Antonio Banderas, even if he looks more and more like a creepy drifter with each pass­ing year.
Here’s Martina McBride, stop­ping by between her spin­ning and yoga classes appar­ently. Melinda looks like she’s a lit­tle in love with her.
Sadly, Blake is safe. LaKisha looks like she’s going to pass out. Aw dang, now my grandma is going to be so depressed:
Ai07 Sanjaya
And so am I, strangely enough. Singing through his tears, what a trouper. Between this and [spoiler] get­ting booted off Top Model, it’s a sad day for the true enter­tain­ers.
*I for­got this is my first Wednesday after my class ended, so it was usu­ally post-​West Coast time by the time I watched these before. Ohhh, WELL then.

2 comments to And there to greet them was none other than CEO Jeffrey Katzenberg

  • pieman

    Did you notice that one of the “man on the street” inter­views was with one of the hip­pie dudes who won Amazing Race last year? What? He just wan­ders around LA now?
    Damn, we were so close to that bitch LaKisha going home! So close!!

  • Kim

    PIEMAN. Thank God you’re here. I was begin­ning to worry. Now where’d Tammy go? Hi, Tammy!
    I don’t watch The Amazing Race, so I’m unfa­mil­iar. I’m guess­ing that was the dude who was really, really enter­tained with him­self for what to me was no appar­ent rea­son whatsoever.