Imagine all the peepwhore

I am so not enthused for this show, it’s not even funny.
Ryan’s bring­ing back that Miami Vice hot­ness with his choice in facial hair. Apparently Bono was the men­tor this week, or so they tell us. That could just as well mean Chastity Bono, since we don’t actu­ally see any footage of any­one men­tor­ing any­thing.
It’s Christmas come early as IDOL GIVES BACK! I can only hope my check is in the mail. Tonight’s theme is songs of inspi­ra­tion. I pray this means some­one will be inspired to get their poke on. That song will inspire the liv­ing shit out of you.
Let’s ride along with Simon and Ryan on their boyfriends’ African jour­ney of love and hope for all mankind and also human beings. Man, remem­ber when you could lis­ten to Coldplay and not instantly be filled with nau­sea and hate for Coldplay? Ahh, “Trouble” sure takes me back. I love how Simon’s expres­sions of dis­gust for the deplorable con­di­tions in Africa are remark­ably sim­i­lar in tone to his expres­sions of dis­gust for the deplorable exis­tence of Kevin Covais.
Ai07 Chris
What the hell is the prob­lem with this dude’s blazer. If Chris could change the world, he’d sing a crappy Eric Clapton song. Oh, that’s what he’s doing now! Humanitarianism makes him wanna shake his ass. Put some Tang on it! This is so awful. Randy some­how deter­mines that Chris is “in it to win it.” Paula is proud of his jour­ney. I’m see­ing too much of Simon’s chest hair to pay atten­tion to what he’s say­ing. “Sexy?” Simon says this was “sexy.” Eew, I hate sexy. Sexy bad!

OK, here’s a look at peo­ple who are dev­as­tated by poverty and vio­lence in the U.S., because that’s how I like to spend my Tuesday nights. I wish they opted for Sanjaya’s ver­sion of “Waiting for the World to Change,” per­son­ally. It would bet­ter express the pain and hope­less­ness and dark nightmare-​filled nights of the soul and stuff.
Ai07 Melinda
Only the music of Faith Hill can express the hope for a bet­ter tomor­row! Somewhere, appar­ently, there’s a bet­ter playthe for all of ush, in the glory of hith amay­thing graythe. The judges tell me this was good. I was too busy try­ing to find that pic­ture of Faith Hill that got left out in the rain, but I’m sure Chris can remind me where it is!

Two per­for­mances, 20 min­utes in. I CAN’T TAKE IT
Ai07 Blake
Apparently, Blake feels we can start mak­ing the world a bet­ter place tonight, begin­ning with his per­for­mance of “Imagine.” This makes me want to lit­ter, dis­re­spect my elders and push peo­ple under buses. This is, hmm, let’s say it’s excru­ci­at­ing. His enun­ci­a­tion is com­pletely painfully retarded. How many stu­pid ways can he mis­pro­nounce “peo­ple”? Peepore? Peepole? Peepwhore? He looks like he has no teeth when he sings. He’s GROSS. Randy feels he was not suc­cess­ful in tak­ing the work of John Lennon to the “next level.” Blake doesn’t like get­ting crit­i­cism, eh? Yeah, just keep gri­mac­ing, yadouche.

Ai07 Lakisha
LaKisha: I’m singing “I Believe” by Fantasia …
Yeah, any­way, so how is a song about good shit hap­pen­ing to you and you only an inspi­ra­tional song of hope to inspire the world? I … I have no idea, but what a shock that this one could make that leap of logic. Oh yes, and once again suck it to a pre­vi­ous Idol win­ner. Nice frosty eye­shadow up to your hair­line, there. If she doesn’t get canned this week, I hope she attempts “Since U Been Gone” next week. That shit would be hee­lairi­ous.

Ai07 Phil
HATLESS. Garth Brooks is a force for change! Aww Nosferatu, you’re a big corn­ball, but I don’t hate you. I was dis­tracted through most of this, try­ing to find the most appro­pri­ate Kevin Covais video to put up there, but I guess it was OK for peo­ple who are into that Josh Groban crap. I have noth­ing con­struc­tive or destruc­tive to say about this dude any­more. I think he’s become totally me-​proof.

I love “faith in human­ity” Simon. He’s adorable.
Ai07 Jordin
Jordin makes a bold move to steal “You’ll Never Walk Alone” from Jerry. I keep wait­ing for her to fall over in those heels. Uh … this got really shrieky at the end, but every­one loves it and what­ever. Oh yay for all of us in our good works and love for the peo­ple of this world and the magic of life and good­ness.

THIS MAY BE THE MOST IMPORTANT CALL YOU MAY EVER MAKE, Ryan tells me. Uh … I’m mak­ing the call to eat din­ner and watch Sexy Victims Unit.
Won’t you please help?

1 comment to Imagine all the peepwhore

  • pieman

    Oh my God!!! Just last week, I asked my wife if Blake actu­ally had any teeth!! Were you lis­ten­ing to us?
    This show was extremely excru­ci­at­ing. I found myself con­cen­trat­ing on my cross­word puz­zle rather than actu­ally look at the screen.
    Phil seems like he’s nice.