A guy I don’t rec­og­nize anymore

I ques­tion the wis­dom of Melinder show­ing up wear­ing a top that reads “Death Cheater.” It could be worse–she could be wear­ing a com­plex sys­tem of poly­ester slings and pul­leys:
Sling Boobs
I didn’t even dress my Barbies that bad.
OMG Elliott is here! Tonight! I will get to see his new teeth in action. I’m giddy.
The crappy Blake visual sim­i­lar­i­ties to not crappy Mike Viola (pointed out here by the genius who knows) are really rather chill­ing. I can’t stop see­ing that. Even if maybe it’s like if Mike and Todd had a baby (and that baby some­how sucked)? It’s creepy! I’m totally creeped out!!!
If we see Blake at a home­town ball­game in the Final 3 just like we saw Elliott at a home­town ball­game in the Final 3, does that mean Blake gets canned too? Can we be so lucky?
Speaking of which, here is Elliott and his badass heav­ily con­di­tioned Jewfro and gigan­tic new fake white teeth! His new teeth are too dang white and gigan­tic. Hahahaha, Chris com­pares this to Craig David, which is inci­den­tally the high­est praise he can give any­thing remotely pop/R&B, as far as I know. Ugh, those teeth though. Oh, he’s talk­ing and he’s still so cute and adorable. Aww, look at that. OK, now maybe he’s a lit­tle too chatty. It’s nice to know some­one wrote that song you just sang. Yes. OK. OooooK. OK, now it’s over. Bye now!

Ryan was so happy to see Elliott, whom he calls “a guy I don’t rec­og­nize any­more.” So happy to be onstage next to a dude that is so, so much shorter than he is.
I had no idea “Everybody Wants You” could sound so life­less, but the AI-​Ford music video makes that pos­si­ble. This makes THE NEW CW ver­sion sound like Shonen Knife.
I may be totally off-​base, but Melinda seems like a nice lady.
That dude from Maroon 5 is like if Leo Sayer, Christian Bale and this dude had a baby. Tonight is a won­der­ful night for dudes hav­ing babies with each other. Chris won­ders if this is a Scissor Sisters cover. And you know, you kind of have to really think hard before you can answer that ques­tion defin­i­tively. I love how that dude from Maroon 5 LEAPS into Ryan’s wait­ing embrace after they’re done. Seriously, who wouldn’t?
Oh man, the show’s almost over. Having Chris around makes this show so much more enter­tain­ing. Hahaha, I said that just when he walked into the room with a giant bag full of giant pork rinds.
Ai07 Melinda
Ah well, no sur­prise. Gracious and smi­ley in defeat, just like Elliott was. And as Chris has just pointed out, her teeth did her in as well. Let tonight be your cau­tion­ary tale: Don’t fix ‘em! And burn that top that reads “Death Cheater.” Your out­fits con­spired against you. And won.

2 comments to A guy I don’t rec­og­nize anymore

  • Yes yes! A Mike and Todd baby. That is it exactly.
    I was doing many other things dur­ing “American Idol” and totally missed this Ford video, but when I read “Everybody Wants You” I thought of the Sloan song (is that even what it’s called?) and I won­dered, “What do you mean? It sounded life­less to begin with.” “I hope nobody heeeeeeaaaaarrs!” PS Now it is stuck in my head.

  • Kim

    I hope nobody heeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaarrs the sound of me falling over!