idol

You gotta paint that door and that knob and just go for it

This is our best Top 24 yet! Honestly! If we keep say­ing it, you will believe it! THIS is American Idol!
Our Up With People expe­ri­ence is Sounds of the Sixties, y’all. All the ladies are dressed up Carnaby Street-​style, that is if Carnaby Street had a SuperTarget. The songs we send to the butcher shop are:
“Needles and Pins“
“When You Walk in the Room“
“Spanish Harlem” (what??!!!?!)
“Bend Me Shake Me“
Yes, those selec­tions in that sequence make TOTAL sense. Either Joanne’s or Carly’s mic is turned off, I can’t tell whose. Amanda looks bored to tears. She’s wear­ing some­thing that can best be described as a “floor-​length host­ess vest.” This per­for­mance is verg­ing on the grotesque!
So Ryan calls Garrett up to have a chat aaaand …
ai08_garretth.jpg… dis­misses him on the spot. WHOA! That is awe­some. I mean, not awe­some for Garrett, but it’s INNOVATIVE. I guess the kids were put off by his choco­late milk mus­tache. Garrett is totally chill about the whole thing. I do not fear for this young man, as he has a bright future star­ring as Wooderson’s lit­tle brother in Dazed and Confused 2.

As we look back at the ladies, Chris snaps on Carly’s teeth and says “she funny lookin’.” Real talk. Ryan calls up Kristy so you know that’s a swerve.
ai08_amyd.jpgSo long Amy D.! I never got a chance to call you “Amy Double-​D,” so I’ll do that now. She cer­tainly must have known it wasn’t her night when the styl­ist put her in that boob-​camouflaging granny dress and white tights. White tights! Now that’s just cruel and unusual. Paula’s words of advice to Amy form tonight’s entry title. At least I think that’s what she says. I am inca­pable of trans­lat­ing it as any­thing else short of hav­ing to break out some Blow Out–style sound foren­sics equip­ment.

Oh yes, and I do so enjoy the new “humil­i­ate the fam­ily mem­bers” tac­tic of putting the losers’ peo­ple up in the loft so we can watch them be dis­ap­pointed and mis­er­able or attempt in vain to appear gra­cious in defeat. LOVE IT.
Let’s watch Paula’s “come­back” music video! Seeing Randy Jackson rock out on the bass brings me great joy. This song is like a back­wards under­wa­ter ver­sion of Jennifer Lopez’s “Play.” Wind and hair. Ribbons! Wind and hair. Oh my God WHERE DID THIS ARCHIVE FOOTAGE OF CHEERLEADERS COME FROM?! What, where and why. Why?! I’m baf­fled. This is baf­fling. I sup­pose that is entirely appro­pri­ate.
Back to the slic­ing and dic­ing! Ryan actu­ally says that. Amanda and Joanne are called into the octa­gon. I see where this is going.
ai08_joanneb.jpgGoodbye Joanne! You were ter­ri­ble! Ramiele is DEVASTATED. Crying gets you more cam­era time! These ladies are savvy. I’m shocked Syesha didn’t take this oppor­tu­nity to col­lapse in an epilep­tic fit. I bet she’ll know bet­ter next week!

Ryan calls up Colton and Chikezie! Colton looks totally spivved out. He’s also turned pale as a ghost.
ai08_coltonb.jpgAaaaand he’s outta here! Chris: “Wake up call! My man’s gonna come strong now!” See, I don’t even think the oth­ers who were called up were the next-​lowest vote-​getters, were they? Did any­one say they were? I don’t remem­ber hear­ing that. I think we’re being MANIPULATED. (No!!) Anyway, that’s the end. Crying, tears, tears, cry­ing, hug­ging, cry­ing.

Wait wait wait, I just real­ized that LUKE IS SAFE which means we are not. Ack, another week of ago­niz­ing over try­ing to fig­ure out who he looks like. And the best part of the show? Danny shak­ing his hair out of his eyes so may we all be blessed by his holy tears. He weeps so glamorously!

1 comment to You gotta paint that door and that knob and just go for it

  • pieman

    Chris is right. Every time Carly sings, my eyes are drawn right to her teeth. Her two front teeth are WAY longer than the rest and gives her the Bugs Bunny look.
    I don’t think any of the four who were dis­missed this week will be missed at all. They were for­get­table and it would be a shame if Luke was gone before you fig­ured out who he looks like besides Luke Perry… oof.