We’re gonna get you a catheter

Is mak­ing the Top 12 more of an achieve­ment than mak­ing the Top 16? Really, I don’t see much of an upside. Ryan’s Tintin hair looks FANTASTIC. Chris is rolling his eyes already. I had a hor­ri­ble day today, and it’s about to get worse! THIS is American Idol!
ai07_blake.jpgSo I make it here in time to watch the show live and you give me Blake Lewis?! Oh F-​you, TV, you and your VOCAL ENTENDRES, go straight to Hell. Seriously, look at this and try to tell me this is any­thing other than a sick ghastly joke. Oh hooray, it’s the Jay Kay Dance Impression™, how I’ve MISSED that. This song is all about being let down and being through with some­body. That speaks to me right about now! The response is tepid. Listen to that total lack of enthu­si­asm! Tremendous. This is a star-​making show, you know.
Chris rewinds it to show me Danny and Ramiele get­ting all sad and huggy with each other, aww. Kady looks par­tic­u­larly angry at hav­ing to have suf­fered through those VOCAL ENTENDRES. She’s try­ing really hard to get me to like her.
Why yes, Amanda is wear­ing a pon­cho.
To catch Chris up on what he missed, the cam­era pans across a lineup of our Top 8 dudes! Chris: “Ugh, GOOD LORD.” His reac­tion to “Hello”: “Oh no, not Lionel. No, Dave.“
I really miss being able to burn through these com­mer­cials, my word.
Every time Ryan says “Take a stool” it weirds me out. So who are we get­ting rid of?
ai08_kadym.jpgAww, she got her boobs out a day too late. Sorry! Asia’h is DEVASTATED! Because she has to lis­ten to this song again? Ramiele is far more restrained with her emo­tion. She’s been tak­ing glam­orous cry­ing lessons from Danny.

ai08_lukem.jpgYeah, well. I got noth­ing to say about this one. This is really quite a song to go out on, isn’t it? I note that Kristy is singing along. And he leaves us with the magic word: “JITTERBUG.” Sizzle points! It’s all about siz­zle points.

a108_asiaapostrophehe.jpgHer mis­take was let­ting us for­get her Tragic Story™. Ohhh Paula is heart­bro­ken. Ohhh she can’t stop talk­ing. I never knew “I Wanna Dance With Somebody” could be deliv­ered so angrily! Somehow she’s much bet­ter tonight, what? Like much, MUCH bet­ter. Paula agrees with me! Bye now!

ai08_dannyn.jpgWRONG. AMERICA GOT IT WRONG. YOU GOT IT WRONG, AMERICA. Oh man. I seri­ously, seri­ously, seri­ously thought there was no way he was going home. Ramiele is dev­as­tated. I’m dev­as­tated! Although I guess it’s only right that this show should elim­i­nate and avoid enter­tain­ment at all costs. Ugh. I hate this show!!! Aaaaaaand this show hates me. My one hope is Danny passes the zest torch to David H., or maybe he’ll just keep show­ing up in the audi­ence look­ing pouty and sen­sa­tional. Or per­haps he’ll field those “live viewer dis­as­ter in the mak­ing phone calls” Ryan’s going on about.

Pieman’s 3 for 4 again this week! I’m impressed. I’m DEpressed.
So who are we stuck with?
MY ONLY HOPE based solely on cute­ness, eth­nic­ity and/​or gay­ness:
ai08_ramielem.jpg ai08_davidh.jpg
ai08_chikezieexclamationpoint.jpg ai08_brookew.jpg
ai08_davida.jpg ai08_jasonc.jpg
ai08_syesham.jpg ai08_michaelj.jpg ai08_kristylc.jpg ai08_carlys.jpg
Just think, this show will take us pretty much all the way up to the NBA play­offs, right? I just depressed myself again. This IS American Idol!

7 comments to We’re gonna get you a catheter

  • pieman

    Kim — I must say I was quite dis­ap­pointed about the three I got cor­rect. I will miss Danny, but all the middle-​aged women here where I work were creeped out by him. One even said “is he a guy or a girl, make up your mind.” See, that’s why the peo­ple who vote don’t vote for him. I am guess­ing you’re like me and don’t actu­ally vote for any of these peo­ple, right?
    And I was nearly 4 for 4, since Kristy and Asia’h were the last two women up there!
    Please don’t give up on recap­ping the show as I enjoy way too much (in fact, I enjoy it much more than actu­ally watch­ing the show).
    I admit that I was think­ing you must be yelling at the tele­vi­sion when they led off with Blake Lewis. Ugh.
    Keep on.

  • cranlsn

    I’ll sec­ond the nod for your re-​caps being bet­ter than the show (I fol­lowed pie­man over here from Chris’s place last year).
    I also thought that Blake’s appear­ance would not make anyone’s day better…and just kept think­ing what his and Kristy’s kids would look like. Dead eyes and no lips…brrr.

  • jane

    Honestly, Blake Lewis was worse than ever. I wasn’t even hav­ing a hor­ri­ble day until then. And I didn’t even watch the show live. Please don’t do that to your­self. You deserve bet­ter.
    When I look at those faces and think of how many I’d love to slap, punch or kick, it makes me worry. I hes­i­tate to say who my favorite(s?) are, for you know I am cursed.

  • pieman

    Come on, Jane, you’ve got to say your favorites, so we can at least have sym­pa­thy for you when they get booted.
    My favorites: David Hernandez, Jason Castro on the guys side. Jason’s just soooo relaxed, dudes.
    On the female side, I can’t help lik­ing Brooke. She seems nice, too. And, I think that’s it.
    David H, Jason and Brooke. Yup.

  • Kim

    Oh I could never give this up. Are you kid­ding me? I’d have to find some other out­let for my seething rage. Or do I only have seething rage because of this show? Hmm. That’s a Good Question!
    I’m still in mourn­ing over Danny. Bless you all for your words of kind­ness at this dif­fi­cult time. We have a rough road ahead of us, and I need you now more than ever!

  • I sure hope this works on the new server!

  • pieman

    Hey, you were scar­ing me there for a minute! I thought I might have to go with­out recaps for this week, people!