I’ve never seen a more stronger bot­tom three

Who’s more toe up and busted look­ing: Amanda or Dominique from Top Model? This is the ques­tion haunt­ing me tonight. And THIS is American Idol!
Ryan asks us, what have we done? Hmm, 29 mil­lion votes isn’t much to crow about, is it? That woman next to Jim Carrey looks REALLY happy to be there. Hey, there’s a show hap­pen­ing!
Up With People cel­e­brates the Beatles-​type music of Lennon/​McCartney. Did you get the feel­ing Michael was just ran­domly horn­ing on people’s action for half of this? And sweat­ing, eew girl, eew. Is he on meth? Meth is death my friend. David H. is pos­i­tively SEXOHOLIC with his hot moves. Chris can’t get over Chikezie and Ramiele hold­ing hands. Amanda is giv­ing me an aneurysm.
We are look­ing down the bar­rel of an elim­i­na­tion! Ryan, that’s insen­si­tive in these vio­lent times of gun­play in our nation’s schools and Lane Bryant stores.
OMG the return of the Ford Music Video!!!!! How I’ve missed you, Ford Music Video. It con­tin­ues in the fine “the hell?!” tra­di­tion of song choice with Cake’s “The Distance.” In bla­tant defi­ance of Paula, this song does not have a lot of melody. It’s per­fect for Amanda! Hmm, you’d think with the lux­ury of edit­ing they could man­age to make every­one look like they have rhythm, but nooooo. I can’t wait to see what they give us next week! CAN’T WAIT!!!
Everyone is seri­ous as a heart attack when they begin cut­ting peo­ple. Except Jason! That dude is sooo hii­igh. Sorry, I had to go back there. Apparently they’re mak­ing each of the bot­tom three peo­ple sing. I’m try­ing to fig­ure out what the logic is for doing that, other than to make the show unbear­ably long. Is there a vast cross-​section of Our Nation who only watch the elim­i­na­tion show, so they’re try­ing to pro­vide con­text by which this audi­ence may be con­verted to watch­ing the per­for­mance show next time? No, prob­a­bly just mak­ing this show unbear­ably long. OK.
Who are those folks about whom Paula uttered tonight’s title?
ai08_syesham.jpgHahahaha, ohh­hhh, Syesha is PISSED. She is not excited and she sure can’t hide it when they make her sing again know­ing she’s in the gut­ter! And she calls her­self an actress? Oh honey, good luck. Also she won’t stop singing after the song is over. Ugh. Next!

ai08_kristylc.jpgMeanwhile, Kristy is all gig­gly and amused and what­ever about the whole thing. Jason was prob­a­bly help­ing her “pre­pare” before the show, wink wink. Chris calls this “coun­try drum-​n-​bass” which is basi­cally what Jane said. Great minds. Next!

Like Jessica Alba, all I really want in life is for my foun­da­tion to match my skin. Is that too much to ask for? (NARS Fiji for me!)
ai08_davidh.jpgOh David, David David David. You did it to your­self, you did, and that’s what really hurts.

Oh, and then all this other stuff hap­pens, right? Michael reveals that he was watch­ing AI last year and dream­ing he may some­day be “that guy.” What, a loser? You are well on your way, pal. Chris claims Amanda has her pri­or­i­ties straight for being excited about meet­ing Kevin Cronin instead of see­ing Horton Hears a Who and I’m inclined to agree. Chikezie and Ryan engage in a lit­tle man love. OMG DANNY IS SITTING WITH RAMIELE’S FAMILY, wear­ing one of their hot home­made T-​shirts, oh bless. He’s so sub­tle, AI can’t even prop­erly acknowl­edge his pres­ence other than a chy­ron read­ing “best friend,” aww. Danny is your brother, your best friend for­ever!
Before we find out who’s going home, we must first stab our­selves in the face:
ai08_syesham.jpgIt’s encour­ag­ing to know that Katharine McPhee has got­ten no less tire­some over the last two years. Is her creepy cry­ing dad in the audi­ence? C’mon, I miss that guy! (No I don’t.) Instead, no less a bright tal­ented star of impres­sive mag­ni­tude for the chil­dren of today than David Foster takes on the role of creepy old dude in her life tonight. Eew. She does “Something” so George can be on the receiv­ing end of equal time abuse. They should bring back Ruben to do “Octopus’ Garden,” that’d be hot.

Imagine los­ing every­thing you own in a mat­ter of sec­onds! One des­per­ate family’s plea for help, plus YOUR WEATHER FIRSTTONIGHT on the Fox 9 News at 9!
Hey, it’s the end of the show! Sadly, my curse is already in full force (but not, how­ever, Full Force):
ai08_davidh.jpgOh David, David David David. I weep for you, but you are strong in your defeat. I guess AI just ain’t ready for gay/​gay-​friendly dudes who are con­ven­tion­ally gay-​hot and/​or fab­u­lous. It just scares peo­ple! Sanjaya doesn’t count, so don’t even try. Oh David, David David David, I enjoyed your sex­o­holism while it lasted, and I salute you.

One David down, two to go! P.S. F-​you, Idol, for that shame­ful pro­duc­tion snafu dur­ing the good­bye video. F-​you in the face. Boo! (and –hoo!)

4 comments to I’ve never seen a more stronger bot­tom three

  • pieman

    Well, you’re right, David did it to him­self. Awful song choice and mak­ing them sing it again after they are noti­fied they are in the bot­tom three seems kind of puni­tive, doesn’t it? David mailed that per­for­mance in last night. Kristy should have been the one, but he’s got no argu­ment with that.
    I missed the Up With People seg­ment, but I have it on tape. I am think­ing of watch­ing it back, but I prob­a­bly won’t.

  • jane

    Oh no. I totally used your “One David Down…” line as my head­line, com­pletely coin­ci­den­tally. Maybe I should be read­ing this first so as to not make this mis­take. Nothing’s fine, I’m torn.
    I got so sad last night when David was knocked out, as you might have guessed. I slammed my hand down on Oliver Reed Island. Somewhere, he said “ouch.“
    These curses are hurt­ing me, and more impor­tantly, I am ruin­ing young people’s dreams. Can I just go on record to say that my favorites are David Cook and Amanda Overmyer. I really hope they win it all! Hooray for “rock”!
    PS I miss Ruben.

  • Kim

    YES. I want David C. and Amanda to take it all. The first-​ever dual boy-​girl AI cham­pion, with their giant heads and ques­tion­able, I mean delight­ful hair choices. They’re the real-​deal rock­ers, yeah yeah!
    I think the one down, two to go is easy to make, or maybe the great­est of great minds think alike, but I cry that the one down is the wrong one down. I mean the right one! Go David C.! Take it home sweet home like Motley Crue, tonight, toni­i­i­i­ight!
    P-​man, you need to watch Up With People so you can con­firm to me that Michael is indeed on that meth. I know I’m right.
    Jane, please don’t hurt your­self over this show! Well I can’t help the emo­tional pain but the phys­i­cal pain, it’s not worth it. You’re bet­ter than this! Just like David H. is. No! I mean America made the right choice!!! And take Ramiele next week, too! See if I care!!!

  • pieman

    Okay — I have now watched last night’s episode of Up with People and Michael is sooooo on meth. My favorite moment of his train­wreck per­for­mance was when he was singing with two shorter peo­ple (I can’t be both­ered to remem­ber which two) and he was between and behind them and he squat­ted down a lit­tle bit to be on an even level head-​wise with them. I rewound it a cou­ple times to watch that.
    The Jacuzzi/​Ramiele hand hold­ing was also quite spe­cial.
    Thanks for insist­ing I watch that. I am happy, happy I say.