idol

In a nut­shell, all the ones you described … are horrible

Who is out? Huh? Hmm. THIS is American Idol!

Mariah Carey! ELLIOTT! I knew he was going to be on ’cause he MySpaced me. We’re close like that. Randy’s hair looks crazy. Did it always look like that?

Please take a moment to consider:

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Chilling, is it not?

Up With People brings us “One Sweet Day”! Jason, please don’t fly away, so far away. Kristy’s cleav­age is sparkly! Syesha’s on cam­era and Chris goes “ugh.” He’s got a vendetta. Not me though, for she is the BEST ALWAYS AND FOREVER. Carly, oh gosh. When David C. starts “feel­ing it” we start laugh­ing. Because we can’t believe the AWESOMENESS, obvi­ously. Syesha and David C. pair up and it’s like they’ve been read­ing my mind!

I think I’m going to start wear­ing blush like Mariah wears it. It’s adorable! I guess Randy’s hair did look like that yes­ter­day and I’m the one who’s crazy. Brooke wishes it didn’t hurt, but it does. David C. is still a douche. By which I mean he is REFRESHING and MEDICINAL.

Jason hasn’t been to the beach much, and he really likes it! He has a mag­i­cal way with words. David C. talk talk talk talk talk talk. Carly really enjoyed her­self! She really enjoys her­self mouthing off at Simon, appar­ently. We love our­selves a lot here on Idol, don’t we? Did Kristy say Simon can be a butt?

FORD MUSIC VIDEO! brings us “I Want to Break Free.” Now this is more to my high-​concept lik­ing, although the pres­ence of the auto­mo­bile seems more forced than usual until the very end. I must be crit­i­cal of all things dur­ing this, the most TALENT-​LADEN sea­son of all. Also, I totally want Kristy’s hair.

elliott.jpgELLIOTT! He is for­ever the smoovest. His mom just died which makes me :’(. This is like the only “return­ing con­tes­tant” song any of us could imag­ine lis­ten­ing to more than once and not as a joke or a dare, right? I’m not at all biased. His giant fake teeth still freak me out. OMG SWAY is singing backup! Oh no, he did the writ­ing on the hand thing, but I for­give him, for he is moti­vated by grief. Ryan is over­joyed to once again be in the pres­ence of Elliott’s short­ness. As am I! DON’T LEAVE ME, ELLIOTT. Now he’s gone. Oh well.

This whole “Rio” Pussycat Doll Brazilian body wash thing is … astound­ing. Chris imme­di­ately hits up that URL so that he may “unleash the enchant­ment of Brazil,” which can only be done on the Internet. Chris: “I think that means being kid­napped and held for ransom.”

Live callers (who I hate) give Paula the oppor­tu­nity to get sassy with Simon. “Straight up, Simon, I’ll never be for­ever your girl.” Ooh la la!

David C. is sin­gle? You don’t say. RUBEN STAMPS! RUBEN STAMPS!!!

Mariah Carey is, first and fore­most, a sci­en­tist. Her crystal-​covered mic and stand are a won­der to behold. Wow, there are some ultra­sonic things hap­pen­ing at the end there. Mariah says the whole world can tell I love myself some him, some Randy! Spectacular. We will never say bye-​bye! Oh wait, we have to. But TO WHOM? It appears we have our bot­tom three:

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I guess I have to men­tion they did the two-groups-of-three-pick-the-one-you’re-in move (to which David A. chose to sit down for he is but an inno­cent child caught up in this adult game of decep­tion and cru­elty) although they SWITCHED IT UP! this year and put the wrong peo­ple in the groups to F every­body up. I sensed some­thing weren’t right but they still scared the crap out of me for a sec­ond.
Please take a moment to consider:

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You know it’s a dream come true.

Two busi­nesses go up in smoke—but that’s not all! And a local Boy Scout troop loses every­thing. TONIGHT on the Fox 9 News at 9!

And we’re baaaaaack! Syesha is safe. Er. Brooke can’t stop talk­ing. Who goes home?

ai08_kristylc.jpgWell, at least I made it past the top 10.” That’s the spirit! Between this and the rev­e­la­tion the dude won’t sell her back her horse, this is not her night. Will that hug from Ryan make it all bet­ter? It should!!!

Well, you some­how won me over, dead-​eyed robot girl, and I am strangely sad to see you go. That is a vic­tory in and of itself. I salute you—you and your Indomitable Spirit!

3 comments to In a nut­shell, all the ones you described … are horrible

  • pieman

    Kim — I printed out your photo dis­play of Carly and her twin and showed it off at work. I hope you’re not too upset, but I am telling them all this won­der­ful Idol Blogger is the best thing on the inter­webs while I show them your Carly pic­ture!
    I’d been say­ing from the begin­ning that the beady-​eyed Kristy needed to go, but like Kim, she’d kind of grown on me over the last three or four weeks.
    I can’t imag­ine who is still vot­ing for Syesha. She brings noth­ing to the dance. She’s not bad, but there’s noth­ing unique or spec­tac­u­lar about her.
    I hope that David CLB wins and sells as many records as Taylor Hicks. Jerkface.

  • jane

    Oh no. I can’t even read the rest of this right now because REFRESHING and MEDICINAL made me a sob­bing wreck. I must take a walk and revisit this later.

  • jane

    PS That Jason/​Mariah heart made it OK for me to love again. I need you to know that you are chang­ing lives.
    Was that really Sway singing backup? I turn to you for the answers.
    Also, hon­estly, every syl­la­ble Brooke speaks makes me hate her more. I wasn’t even mad at her in the begin­ning. Now I want to slap her hard. I hope she doesn’t talk too much over the VICTORY SPEECHES of Syesha, Carly and David. YEAH! They are the best. I HOPE THEY ARE NEVER IN THE BOTTOM THREE EVER!