idol

I’m gonna watch just for the outfits

Ryan looks espe­cially froggy. I still haven’t recov­ered from the hor­ror vacui of last night, so I’m not ready for any of this. What is this? THIS is American Idol!

Up With People a.k.a. Five People Who Sound Really Terrible Together brings us a trib­ute to Neil Diamond. Jason is ready to smoke some of that Crack-​lin’ Rosie! David A. is INTENSE. When it’s Brooke and Syesha, “Song Sung Blue” is song sung bad. Some other things hap­pen! I stop caring!

Shit AceOh look, it’s Ace Young and his crack­lin’ rosy cheeks. He still inspires a reac­tion that is purely eew girl, eew.

Let’s look back at last night, when David C.‘s reac­tion to Paula’s “look­ing at the American Idol” com­ment is “but of course—I mean OH WOW SURPRISE!”

Jason is safe, because good peo­ple love good times and good peo­ple hav­ing good times and inspir­ing good feel­ings in good peo­ple. We catch the tail end of Syesha hav­ing a full-​on WTF moment that must have really been quite extraordinary.

David A. is safe and can’t believe it! His creepy stage dad must have been really effec­tively brain­wash­ingly crit­i­cal about his per­for­mance last night or something.

One of these three is going home! Which one of these three is giv­ing the cam­era the gas face? Why, it’s Syesha, of course!

That other guy is safe! Who cares? American Idol is SEXIST!

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Now Syesha’s the one who can’t stop talk­ing. Shut up! Brooke says she has kicked into that happy grate­ful mode. I’ve felt like kick­ing peo­ple in their grate­ful modes all day.

Natasha Bedingfield looks unfresh. Like she’s lived a life­time with­out sun­screen and is actu­ally an Applebee’s host­ess. Or a drag Cherie Currie. Maybe the lat­ter is too much of a com­pli­ment. You know I’m right.

Teens addicted to tex­ting! What are the symp­toms? How to cut your kid off! Plus some­thing about insur­ance! TONIGHT on the Fox 9 News at 9!

Our FORD MUSIC VIDEO! will try to catch the wind. It is bor­ing. Chris: “They let Jason drive?” High fives all around!

Neil Diamond gives more than this show deserves! I’m busy try­ing to find videos of Chicago on “SNL” in 1979 doing “I’m a Man” and “Street Player” for that is what his horn sec­tion brings to mind. Also, those are like two of the great­est moments in tele­vised tele­vi­sion. I come up empty. Seriously, seek them out and find them. They are fantastic.

Chris keeps rewind­ing to the point where Neil really starts to “feel it.” He is also singing “Love on the Rocks” and mak­ing up his own lyrics in a mov­ing trib­ute to David A. and Amanda O. Just makin’ shit up—that gets you places in this world!

Has this show been on for three hours? Can we get it over with?

ai08_brookew.jpgCelebrate her home! Let’s take a look back on her amaz­ing jour­ney from lov­able daffy Jesus girl to insuf­fer­able mani­a­cal blab­ber­mouth. Aww, remem­ber the old days? Those were good days, the old days. Who thought Syesha would out­last her? Anyone? Anyone?

By the way, when she choked up on that first line, how many of us said “Sorry, can I start over?” with­out even think­ing? Show of hands!
Meanwhile, Jason just keeps smil­ing and singing along.

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That’ll never get old. Keep it classy, my man!

3 comments to I’m gonna watch just for the outfits

  • pieman

    Kim — I didn’t real­ize how fast you get these recaps posted! The show’s only been over 15 min­utes!
    Yes, I thought Brooke was going to ask the band to start again, really.
    They gave away all the drama by say­ing Jason was safe first.
    Back to the Celtics now!

  • tammy

    this was, unfor­tu­nately, i very rushed and half-​assed idol. To do that to Neil is a damn shame. Archie, I would never call any ND song “cheesy” but you showed no imag­i­na­tion when you picked THE two most over­played songs of his cat­a­logue.
    I still love Jason, but I just found out he is a Christian Missonary! Archie is Mormon, so is Brooke. This IS the whitest Idol ever. Must I throw my hat into Douchebag’s ring? He rep­re­sents one of the only sec­u­lar world views at this point. Plus he wins Diamond night, hands down. He was the only one who seemed to have made the effort.
    Team Douche.
    Now, to online gam­ble and cure my dry mouth. Prozac any­one? That’s for the help­ful spam.

  • Kim

    Dang, P-​man, that was fast. Hahahahaha Celtics. Hahahaha! Oh sorry.
    The show was about as half-​assed and rushed as my effort toward it or vice versa or both. Holy moly, Jason being an Xian mis­sion­ary only makes him more FASCINATING. I want to walk up to him and ask “Being you, what is that LIKE?!“
    Don’t go to the douche side. Please. Don’t. We can all hope for a Danny Noriega deus ex machina or some­thing.
    I’m so sorry about the spam and applaud your strength and com­mit­ment to work through it. Getting through the rest of this show, on the other hand …