Ready for you to lick and send

We’ve got drama right here in River City! Maroon 5 and Bo Butt. Ryan says Randy had a hard-​on for Syesha, or some­thing. Last night was an emo­tional moment of time in which Paula gifted Syesha with the gift of recog­ni­tion. Why yes, THIS is American Idol!

Up With People brings us “Reelin’ in the Years” as if to spite me. There is no one on this planet more emi­nently qual­i­fied to espouse the world-​weary wis­dom of Steely Dan than David Archuleta. Fancy foot­work! I won­der if their “rock research” this week included learn­ing the ori­gin of this band’s name. This. Is. So. Joyless. Hearing “are you gath­er­ing up the tears/​have you have enough of mine?” from Syesha is a pre­cious thing. This makes The Free Design sound like Pantera. RICKEY MINOR JAMZ! Kimberly Caldwell sight­ing! Oh thank God it’s over.

Let’s take a lov­ing look back at last night. The hor­ror! Is it wrong of me to be charmed by Jason’s “Mr. Tambourine Man”? Is the sit­u­a­tion that dire? Is the answer to one of these ques­tions no and the other yes? Guess!

Boy, that David A. sure is chatty. I don’t care about his “game plan” with his “song choices.” He’s a riv­et­ing con­ver­sa­tion­al­ist. (He’s not.) He’s safe! (He is!)

HD is not kind to the ladies of “Sex and the City.”

Our con­tes­tants got a “taste of the high life” on a glam­orous jet! Jason’s livin’ the high life every day my friend. Star treat­ment makeovers! Somehow that is the best they can man­age with David C., what a shame. A girl makes out with Jason, and then Jason makes out with a dol­phin. Thank good­ness I can FFWD through this Cirque du Soleil bull­shit. Thanks, time wast­ing cross-​promotional package!

Randy wants David C. to stay orig­i­nal dude and rock it out baby. He insists his head was in the wrong place which is strange since his head is usu­ally UP HIS ASS because he is an ASS HEAD. He’s safe, what a shame.

So it’s down to THIS ONE or THAT ONE.

FORD MUSIC VIDEO! “Ring of Fire.” Toreadors. Mustang. Chris: “They just wanted an excuse to put them in tight pants.” Ryan takes notice!

Taylor Hicks is ready for you to lick and send … through the mail.
Live phone calls are a must to ignore and avoid.

Chris sure looks per­plexed by Maroon 5: “I wish they’d turn down the music so we can hear his voice!”* Chris won­ders how it must feel for them to open for Bo Bice. This is pre­sent­ing a great exam­ple to our contestants!

The cost of gro­ceries is through the roof. You can save if you play the gro­cery game! Find out how TONIGHT on the Fox 9 News at 9!

Chris is right, this Valleyfair com­mer­cial does suck.

Let’s wel­come Bo Butt back to the AI stage! Chris: “Is he Rascal or Flatts?” He’s been work­ing on his Lenny Ray Vaughn-​Kravitz imper­son­ation. Chris notes that he spits a lot. Just think, con­tes­tants, some­day this show will be all you too have left to momen­tar­ily resus­ci­tate you out of obscu­rity. Speaking of which, Phil Stacey sighting!

Today’s gas price hike caused some tense moments around town. And what would make a man jump off a sky­scraper … for fun? TONIGHT on the Fox 9 News at 9!

How dare Pieman equate Jason Castro and Ace Young?! HOW DARE HE?!

Oh hey it’s time to say good­bye to some­one! Is it the self-​effacing goof­ball who doesn’t give a shit or the creep with the croc­o­dile tears who tries too hard?

ai08_jasonc.jpgSomebody told me I shot the tam­bourine man yes­ter­day. That was pretty funny.” Ryan notes Jason seems relieved to be mak­ing an exit, and there’s a good rea­son why: “There’s three songs next week, I dunno what I woulda done!”

I will for­ever cel­e­brate you home, Jason Castro. I have no idea if it sim­ply took time for you to reveal your­self as a trea­sure or if it was just easy to step up your charm game in a sea­son full of joy­less prigs. You will be missed—at least until AI rec­og­nizes the poten­tial of putting out a DVD of noth­ing but your finest moments and out­takes. Your good­bye video proves you’re worth it!

P.S., ugh, this show.

*See, that’s funny because it’s totally the oppo­site of what really should have been happening!!!

4 comments to Ready for you to lick and send

  • pieman

    You really should be recap­ping Hell’s Kitchen, too.
    I am sad­dened by the loss of Jason Castro. He was so totally no-​selling the whole Idol stuff. Compare his demeanor to the Creepy Davids. He was just enjoy­ing him­self! And some Chee-​tos.
    By fast for­ward­ing through the ques­tion and answer ses­sion, you are miss­ing the hilar­ity! Creepy Little couldn’t answer any­thing. All his answers were “I don’t know.” And Creepy Bigger got asked out on a date and him try­ing to worm his way out of vis­it­ing Pittsburgh with this “fan” was AWESOME!
    I hope Syesha wins because with Jason gone, my bub­ble has been burst.

  • cranlsn

    It won’t be the same with Jason and our weekly moment of “Duuude”. I’m hop­ing for Syesha to at least pull out a sur­prise 2nd place, just to see smug or smug­ger bite it next week.
    Again…nice recaps (nice guest shot too). As usual, bet­ter than the show itself.

  • cranlsn

    …sorry…that should be “with­out Jason”. Must be the cough medicine…

  • jane

    Last night a Jason Castro saved my life. After weeks and weeks of being angry and yelling at the TV, Jason brought me joy. He is a delight, and far fun­nier than any­one on “American Idol” could ever appre­ci­ate. I haven’t laughed that hard since Sean Avery said — well, pretty much any­thing ever.
    Kim, I am very encour­aged by your recov­ery, espe­cially in the face of Bo Butt and “Reelin’ in the Years.” Did you believe for a sec­ond that Steely or Dan (sorry, that is what I call them) were going to walk through that dra­matic open­ing door and wave to the crowd? That’s what this show brings me, those sorts of world-​ending thoughts.