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It is time for you to stop all of your sobbing

When will local news stop with the sto­ries about old ladies cry­ing over their lost dogs? People lose their pets, my God, that is not news. Every time I see one of these stu­pid pack­ages now all I can think of was the one a month or two ago where the old bag had a) left her dog in her car when she went shop­ping and b) left the doors unlocked. Unlocked! They should have stolen some more stuff from her while they were at it, because clearly that woman does not deserve to own any­thing at all. Surprisingly, the news story was not about how the dog­nap­pers were doing the dog a favor. There she was, all hys­ter­i­cal about how she couldn’t live with­out her dog, the pre­cious dog she left in her car with the doors unlocked while she went shop­ping. Maybe the dog got out of the car! Maybe he escaped to sweet sweet free­dom! That would rule.

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