Let me tell ya ’bout a guy named Monk

Monk,” have you seen it? It blows. Some peo­ple at Christopher’s mes­sage board some­how got it in their heads that “Monk” would be like the show of his dreams or some­thing and that he should watch it, and now look what’s hap­pened, we’ve watched it for two weeks in a row and it stinks. For the record, he can take it or leave it, but it gives me like some hor­ri­ble TV virus.
First of all, who wants to watch Tony Shalhoub for an hour? I know some peo­ple do, but woof. Of course, I would gladly watch a show that is based entirely around Enrique Murciano smirk­ing and threat­en­ing peo­ple for an hour, but what do I know? Pretty good tele­vi­sion, obvi­ously.
It’s like … the Monk char­ac­ter is writ­ten so BIG AND HAMFISTED but he down­plays it all tiny and that’s sup­posed to equiv­o­cate the APEX OF DEFT COMEDIC GENIUS! when really it’s like, he’s just being Andy Kaufman on “Taxi” with­out the accent. This show is so pre­cious and cute and in love with itself that it puts me on the rag. HIS NAME IS MONK! BUT HE’S NOT A MONK! IT’S CRAZY! Also, it looks like crap, like it’s shot at a domed com­mu­nity for the elderly some­place in Saskatchewan. Did I hap­pen to men­tion I hate this show?
And P.S., how did they get Randy Newman to con­tribute a theme song any­way. “Dude WTF,” you are prob­a­bly say­ing, “how can you dero­gate Tony Shalhoub and praise Randy Newman?” Oho, some mys­ter­ies can­not be explained. The one good thing that came out of this is that Christopher and I now take turns com­ing up with our own “Randy Newman’s Theme From Monk,” such as
Let me tell ya ’bout a guy named Monk
He’s on a show called “Monk“
’Bout a guy named Monk, yup
He’s solvin’ crimes an’ washin’ his hands a lot
We gonna watch it right now
Hey there! We gonna
We gonna watch it right now

Oh man, I love me some Randy Newman. Why can’t he do a theme for a decent show? Like if he did one for “Without a Trace,” that would be out­stand­ing.
They go missin’
And then there’s peo­ple
Who find the peo­ple goin’ missin’

Ooh, I’ll have to keep work­ing on that one.

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