You can’t push the pain on me

I just saw a “Passions” com­mer­cial that said MURDER and showed Gwen push­ing Theresa through a win­dow. Oh if only, if only.
Andy “this is Andy Paige for Cents of Style” Paige is back on “Starting Over” today and I’m so so happy. She’s like the best ever. She is wear­ing a ludi­crous zebra-​striped coat and yet she still looks adorable. Oh! Did you know she even has a Web site. Oh man, she just said “Super, I love that,” which was what I was about to say. Genius. Jane and I should get her to be on our fab­u­lous TV show about gos­sip and sparkles and danc­ing. You know, the show we have cre­ated in our minds.
I did a work day yes­ter­day, I’m doing a work day today and I’m work­ing the rest of the week. Money is super, I love that. It’s been really slow. Yesterday I stayed up all night before work­ing (I have to start at 6 a.m.) and after I signed off I com­pletely conked out. The weather, it was going crazy. Like the cable provider broke into “Passions” (which I still hate right now) with one of their crazy Emergency Broadcast System EEEEEH EEEEEH EEEEEH alerts for a Severe Thunderstorm Warning. I thought they usu­ally saved those for Amber Alerts at 3 a.m. in order to scare the crap out of me.
Oh my God. They just showed the “sur­prise leaks and odor” com­mer­cial for the prod­uct that offers “con­fi­dent stand-​up pro­tec­tion.” What. If the FCC wants to do some­thing about decency on TV, start with the dis­gust­ing fem­i­nine pro­tec­tion and per­verted dia­per ads already. I can’t stand it. And then the one we kept see­ing dur­ing The Perfect Husband with the graphic depic­tion of a kid wet­ting his bed and it’s sup­posed to be CUTE. Sick sick sick sick.
Anyway! Right before I went to sleep, there was a local news spe­cial report where the weather guy started freak­ing out about “sig­nif­i­cant weather!!!” and then he just cut off and there was dead air and I found it hilar­i­ous. There was some wind and some rain and the skies were over­cast, what? That is one thing I can’t get used to, is how out here rain is like a crazy for­eign con­cept and if it sprin­kles a lit­tle bit peo­ple start like dri­ving off the road if they’ve even left the house at all in the first place. Well I’m exag­ger­at­ing. A lit­tle. But it is very sur­pris­ing. This is the first time in my life I’ve lived with­out X-​treme weather. Am I get­ting off­track again? Yes.
So any­way, I totally pass out and get woken up by Christopher com­ing home, inform­ing me that the power is out. Not just out but OUT, like gone. Like our entire com­plex is pitch black and inter­est­ingly enough, it’s the only one in the neigh­bor­hood that’s out. So maybe it was the storm? Maybe it wasn’t? I have no idea. But luck­ily Christopher had some kind of psy­chic power because he brought home a pizza (our stove is elec­tric) and also a gigan­tic family-​size vat of Beefeater gin. So it wasn’t so bad. Except the power never came back on until Conan started, so we missed both “American Idol” and “24,” which is an unfair tragedy of epic pro­por­tions. But I’m try­ing my best to live through the pain, I am.

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